I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

The Puppy Search is Over ...

With much discussion over the forum & friends abt finding ideal puppy, it has been quite an experience in the searching process. I have learnt about the much-talk-about puppy millers, unethical breeders, pet shops & adoption. Sad to say that there are also much time wasted talking about it ...

The search is finally over. The decision is clear. Announcing ... ... the arrival of Phoebe Wang! She's a red/white Shih Tzu, born on the 27 June 2006, the only female of the litter of 4. She will formally joins my family of three in late August. You can check out her blog at http://phoebebobbe.blogspot.com/ for our wonderful life ahead of us.

The Search for a Shih Tzu Puppy

I have accessed all my puppy viewings and realised that I am unable to trust any seller. Ironically, every contact I've been given is through word of mouth. There's no way I can tell if the puppy is breeded properly & healthy. I have to decide based on gut feel & trust.

Finally, i decided to go for SK as I feel strongly about this puppy & the seller. Just the day before we were supposed to pay the deposit, I got a contact from fk about this breeder. We chat on the msn & was sharing about the importance & objective of breeding. I was so impressed with this breeder that i decided to wait for his Shih Tzu whose due to deliver on 26 June. Coincidentally, that's my birth date! Unfortunately, it means more waiting as he will let go of his puppy after abt 3 months. Still, im glad i found this breeder. Im very assured of his pet quality.

Now, not only i have to wait, i have to pray hard that this litter has female puppy which i would prefer more than a male one.

Getting Another Dog

I have made 4 trips to view puppies but never found my "love at first sight" puppy. That love is important because when they pee on your sofa, you will still love them enough to forgive them and that love can last for their whole lifetime.

To get this straight, I am finding a replacement. A replacement for that emptiness, that love, that job. I enjoy serving them, pleasing them, grooming them because it therapeutic. Alright, im a dog slave.

I kept pondering about this. We are planning for a baby. I questioned myself if love for the furkid will change because I will love my child more? There's a high chance that the furkid will not piss me more then the child. Oh my! That's a scary thought.

Letting Go ...

On Sunday morning, i woke up & heard Piggy's sigh ... i swear i heard it! I refused to get up the bed & waited for the MRT to passed by or the next gush of wind to come by, thinking that sound is caused by other things. It never came. I never heard it again.

Piggy's ashes were delivered in an urn on Saturday. We are not supposed to have urns in the house accordingly to the old folks so decided to let it go into the sea, out of respect for my MIL. I jus cannot bring myself to "throw" her away & it's ridiculous that i think she be really gone if i throw her ashese away! I gotta knock my head & remind myself that Piggy's gone ok!

Then i remembered a part in Desperate Housewife where Gabrielle has to let go of a balloon which supposingly was an analogy of her "lost" (she had a miscarriage). Letting go of the balloon is an act of letting go & moving on.

When will I be ready to let go? I think i should. Looking at the urn everyday just gives me heartache.

Piggy Passed Away

At around 2am+, her heavy panting slowed down. So, I put her back into her bed. She tried getting up but could not. Then she started breathing slowly & at some point looked like she got breathing difficulty. Then i called the emergency hotline. Before Dr.Miles call back, Piggy stopped breathing. I called her name & shook her ...

My family came to my place immediately after being informed, hoping to see her for the last time. Sis left first to avoid bearing the pain of sending her off to cremation. Bro & Jo stayed with me the whole night.

Dr.Miles referred Peter's Pet Services to handle the cremation. Peter came & took her away in a towel. The hardest part is when he took her away. Me & Jones burst out in tears. I decided to put her urn in my mum's place where she grew up.

Am i gonna get another one to replace Piggy? No. There can never be another Piggy. It is too painful to bear another heartache when the dog dies. My baby plan resumes.

Scare of Thunder

Today was raining heavily with thunders & lightnings. As usual, Piggy is so scare of thunder that she will come very close to me whenever there's one. I had to rush some work & she kept scratching my chair so i put her on the working desk. But that's still not good enough. She prefers to sit ON my laptop so that she can be this close to me! arrrggg ...

Putting on Weight

Piggy's appetite increased. She used to eat 1/3 of a can of Addictions for a meal. Now she's eating 3/4 of a can! When she was very sick, she was about 3.5kg. Now she's 4kg. That's good cos she has been thin all along. Today I caught her waiting in the kitchen during her meal time.

Travelling Without Piggy

When I came back from my business trip, was shocked to see Piggy's hind legs yellowish with urine stains & her face was dirty with dirt & food stains. Then when I fetched her home, she had diarrhea for 2 days & it was ok after that. Was very disappointed.

Jaildog

We rushed to buy the cage for her because all of us are travelling on Sunday. At least with the cage, she will be safe in my mum's place. It is left to my sister to take care of her.

Today, for the third time, she pee outside the toilet. This time, in the kitchen while she's sitting down. I think it was uncontrollable.

Finally at 5pm, she took her first meal of the day. She regained some energy & sat up to look around. I have to put her back into the cage when I go for class. She will be all alone until Peter returns around 7pm. She's anal about toilet hygience so I wonder if she will poo in the cage with her sleeping area next to it.

Death Sentence

Last night, after feeding increased dosage of Pred, she started panting again & become more disorientated. It went on til 3am & suddenly her 4 legs became stiff & head tilted backwards, gasping for air. I hugged her & she calm down abit. After that she couldn't get up & kept struggling. Finally, she pee on the doorway.

This morning, she refused to eat after taking 2 bites & pee in the living room. Called Dr.Miles about the situation. He said it's highly possible a brain tumour. There's no brain surgery performed at this part of the world & had little success rate. We can only depend on medication which will not cure the brain tumour. This only means that there's no cure for brain tumour. It's a death sentence.

With her bumping around, tripping & walking into walls, we decided to put her into a cage, which will be a safest but saddest option.

Checkup

This week was worse. Piggy's weak & sometimes disorientated. She pants alot too. Found out from Dr.Miles that panting is also a side effect from her medication, could also be her heart problem. Her dosage for Pred was increased to 2 pills twice a day. If she did not react positively to the increase of dosage, it could indicate a brain tumour which will get worse over time. Today's bill is $102. Her antibiotics cost $1 each!

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